Apparently the birds have declared war on me. I’m not sure whether or not it is my love of all things poultry or an ethnocentric arrogance that drives these disgusting creatures’ decisions.
What’s more disturbing is that they have clearly hacked into government databases. I don’t want to be a ‘conspiracy theorist’, but the evidence is shocking. Somehow the birds have stolen our blueprints for carpet-bombing technology. If you don’t believe me, maybe the cold hard facts will persuade you. As Bill Cosby would say, the proof is in the pudding:
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| Exhibit 1 |
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| Exhibit 2 |
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| Exhibit 3 |
Since it is obvious the bird race has mastered our language enough to grasp these complex top-secret schematics and develop the technology to build such apparatuses, I am sending a clear and firm message to their race.
While you have clearly mastered a new technology and have shown its capability on my back windshield, use caution my feathered brethren. While you may need new technology to make an impact, I can take hundreds of your soldiers out with a pack of Marlboro Reds, a six-pack of beer, a BB gun, and a Saturday afternoon. Please, for the sake of your youth, don’t start something you can’t possibly finish.
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